Harvard Research Says Your Kids Will Be More Successful and Happier If You Give Them More Chores
The following contribution is from Inc.com, one of the most prestigious and widely distributed online publications in the United States, covering topics such as NT, entrepreneurship, leadership, marketing, HR, and more.
The author is Jeff Haden, a keynote speaker, writer, LinkedIn Top Voice, contributing editor for Inc., and author of The Motivation Myth: How High Achievers Really Set Themselves Up to Win.
Harvard research claims that your kids will be more successful and happier if you give them more chores. Research shows that the chore itself isn’t important; the key is how it fits into a framework of teamwork, accountability, and shared purpose.
Raising kids is hard. Building a business or a career is hard.
Raising children who will one day be successful and happy, while also building a successful business? It’s very, very difficult.
But there is at least one strategy that could help you raise happy, fulfilled, independent, and successful children, regardless of how you define «success.»
Oddly enough, it involves chores.
Housework and Success
As part of Harvard’s landmark 86-year multigenerational study, researchers assessed the backgrounds of more than 700 high-achieving individuals and discovered a strong connection between housework and later career success.
However, effort itself isn’t necessarily the key. Nor is discipline. Nor is the willingness to accept effort. While chores can be isolated events unconnected to a larger whole, whenever possible, incorporate them into a larger effort. The key is to assign tasks that help children feel a shared responsibility, a part of a larger ecosystem.
For example, don’t just ask your children to carry the dishes to the sink after eating. Make sure they know they’re helping everyone clean up. We eat together, we clean together. We help each other keep the house clean. We help each other keep the yard looking good.
Including household chores in a collaborative effort helps children feel more self-confident.
Feeling part of a larger, more communal effort helps them be more likely to recognize the needs of those around them and be more willing to help.
Approach household chores this way, and as your children should:
– They tend to be less self-centered. If everything is done for you, why would you think about the needs of others?
– They tend to develop a better work ethic. Discipline and time management are rarely innate skills. (My parents, although I certainly didn’t enjoy the process, were very consistent in developing mine.)
– They tend to develop greater perseverance. Neither are courage and determination. Perseverance is a muscle that needs to be developed.
Teamwork. Work ethic. Empathy.
The willingness to lead and follow. Doing chores influences their later ability to meet challenges, manage their time, and work well with others.
That’s a solid formula for success.
And, interestingly, for happiness.
Chores and Happiness
A study published in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics found that children who begin helping with small tasks at age four or five have higher levels of self-confidence and self-efficacy. It makes sense. Accomplishments feel good. Receiving praise for accomplishments is satisfying.
Even if it’s something as small as putting away toys, it still works: I did it at age four, and my parents acknowledged it.
This could have contributed to a growth mindset. When children realize that effort is the path to success—when they learn that intelligence, ability, and talent can be enhanced through effort—they are more likely to persist and bounce back from setbacks.
As the researchers write:
Compared to children who regularly performed chores, children who rarely performed them were more likely to score in the bottom quintile on self-reported scores of prosociality, academic ability, peer relationships, and life satisfaction.
[On the other hand], the frequency of chores in kindergarten was positively associated with children’s perceptions of social, academic, and life satisfaction competencies in third grade, independent of gender, family income, and parental education.
More chores, within reason? Better life outcomes and happiness.
Especially when you integrate those chores into a team effort. Whenever possible, asking your child to clear the table? No problem.
Asking your child to carry the dishes to the sink while you wash them? Now their effort is part of a larger effort, a broader ecosystem. Now it’s teamwork. Now it’s shared responsibility. Now we’re all in this together.
They don’t do chores in isolation; everyone works together toward a common goal.
Which, since no one does anything worthwhile alone, lays a solid foundation for later success.
Research shows that children who do chores are more successful… but how do you get your child to do them?
The following contribution is from the connected parenting portal, which defines itself as: Connection is the answer. Raising human beings is a constant challenge. Just as you think you’ve got it made, something changes, and you feel like a new parent again.
But parenting confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers…
… it comes from a strong, connected relationship with your child.
Your child is born seeking to connect with you 24/7.
Their survival depends on it.
If you get this right in the early years, your relationship will be strong enough to withstand any obstacle.
My goal is to help you understand the principles, tools, and strategies that foster connection, even during difficult times, so that you become the expert on your child.
When that happens… you won’t need me anymore.
Last week, I went on vacation with my friends. To my surprise and delight, I came home to a spotless house.
The laundry was done, the lawn was mowed, even my car was washed! I looked at my husband in disbelief, and he said with a smile, «I discovered a new trick…
I wrote each kid a list of two or three chores on a sticky note and gave it to them. I told them to put the chores first, and they just…did it!»
He was delighted with his «dad trick,» and I couldn’t believe it. Because it’s not always easy to get four different personalities to do the chores you ask them to do at home.
At the same time, we both know, from our experience raising four kids, why this technique worked so much better than the typical ask-scold-yell approach, which, let’s be honest, we all fall into from time to time.
This week, I’ve seen a lot of buzz on social media about new research indicating that children who regularly help with chores can have better academic performance, improved executive function, improved self-esteem, and better problem-solving skills.
This research isn’t exactly new: a Harvard Grant study, conducted from 1938 to the present (the longest-running longitudinal study in history), has identified two key factors that enable adults to be happy and successful:
First, love.
Second, work ethic.
We all want our children to succeed, so how do we develop work ethic in them? It turns out that getting them to do chores is one of the most significant predictors.
Recent research published in the Australian Journal of Occupational Therapy supports this research and found that children who were required to do chores were more likely to exhibit better academic performance and problem-solving skills.
As a parent educator, I read all this and nod enthusiastically. Yes, it makes perfect sense… As a mother of four, trying to get my kids to pick up their damn shoes? It makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration.
The great thing about parenting is that we can KNOW all this valuable information:
– That eating vegetables is healthy
– That having a reasonable bedtime is important
– That participating in team sports fosters cooperative skills
– That doing chores is good for children’s executive function…
But getting kids to actually DO these things is a different story, isn’t it?
As for kids and chores: We can lead a horse to water… but they might look us in the eye and say, «My legs hurt,» «I hate that,» or «NO!!!»… So what do we do? Do we pressure them? Bribe them? Threaten them? Or give in and do it ourselves?
Raising Leaders or Fighting in the Trenches
There are days when, instead of raising Australia’s future leaders, we feel like we’re waging war in the trenches with angry humans.
As long as they’re eating Cheerios off the floorboards of the car and we survive the battle of brushing our teeth or taking a bath, we consider it survival.
For older children, the pressure of after-school chaos or dinner chore battles is so much that we can’t even imagine how to get them to eat their own plate. Because it seems like something else to manage.
We’re also busy, so stopping to teach kids HOW to do things takes time. We know we should, but between school and preschool, after-school activities, and everyday life, there just isn’t time.
So we get the kids to bed, then pick up the toys, clean the food off the floor, and do the chores ourselves because it’s easier than another battle, and we need them to get done.
However, having kids do chores has great benefits. Executive function and future success aside, I believe all human beings feel good when we are needed, loved, and part of a team.
Believe it or not, chores can also be a great way to spend time as a family. The key is to slow down and remember the hierarchy of what matters most. Because what we forget when we focus on just one piece of advice (chores are good for kids) and forget that what matters above all else is love and connection. We’re off track.
How can we incorporate chores without going crazy?
And how do we do it in a way that makes the relationship with our child central?
Here are my top five tips for getting kids involved in chores:
– Connect with them first.
– Kids aren’t trying to be difficult.
– Our kids crave being the kid who does things well, pleases you, and completes chores.
There are some factors that prevent this, and in a nutshell, it’s developmental.
Your child has a brain that can’t multitask like an adult, and it’s hard for them to stop playing to do a task. It’s also normal for children to resist and pressure us. What seems stubborn and difficult is often healthy development.
Frustrating. Oh my goodness, yes! Healthy. Also, yes.
When we connect FIRST, we overcome a lot of that resistance.
Our child is much more likely to listen to us when we listen to them.
Using touch, songs, play, fun, and lightheartedness to fill your child’s emotional cup is a great place to start. Then, we should explain what we need in simple, broken-down tasks.
Say, «This game is fun! I love how everyone is participating, and I know you don’t want to stop… now it’s time for dinner. And I need your help getting ready… Who wants to put the knives and forks on the table, and who wants to help me clear the plates?»
Yes, it takes a second. But it works SO well, and the kids love feeling seen by us and needed as part of a team.
Discuss What You See
Kids just don’t «see» what we see.
They don’t see the shoes on the bathroom floor, the dropped snack wrapper, the messy craft project… and the LEGOs… all those LEGOs! They see the play and the imagination, and when we get exasperated because they don’t see it the way we do (and don’t get me wrong, I do too), we’re not getting anywhere.
Instead, try this idea of discussing what you see:
“I see paper on the floor, I see notebooks with open covers. We can’t take out the next toys until we clean this up: Iris, how about you do the notebooks and your brother and I do the papers?”
This narrative helps children develop the ability to begin to SEE the mess. This is critical for fostering their ability to intuitively help without being prompted to do so in the future.
Help Them (and Be Kind)
I have four children. The oldest is at an age where he’s pretty good at folding laundry and helping out.
He also mows the lawn once a week to earn money with his «spriggy,» but it’s not all about running around helping out as if it were first nature at home.
Personality, temperament, and development all influence children’s ability to complete their chores the way we want. If they can’t do the chore the way we ask, we need to analyze why and how we can provide more support so they feel fulfilled.
We need to adapt to their needs and provide enough support for them to get started.
We could divide the task of cleaning a room, so they take care of one thing and you do the rest.
It may seem like they’re doing very little for their age, but when we focus on their progress and reduce the pressure, we encounter less resistance.
So, until they can do it, we help them and show them kindness in doing it. They actually learn more from what we do than from what we say. This translates to better long-term cooperation.
Create visual cues
I say this a lot, but I’m not joking. Draw it or write it down.
Children process things much better visually. You want them to make their bed and brush their teeth every day; create a visual reminder on the wall for them to check off. (They won’t need a reward for doing so, because they want to do well.)
Thinking about it this way, when you have something to plan, like inviting friends over for dinner, do you write a list to keep track of the tasks? We all do better with a cue to help us track progress.
Tips for toddlers: Use a whiteboard and draw two or three very basic tasks followed by a reward or a game. Try using pictures instead of words and explain the plan to them. You’ll be surprised how much more engaged they are when they have a visual list.
Try to have fun.
No one does well if we struggle before we start. Incorporating a touch of lightheartedness and fun into tasks increases cooperation, but it also fosters in your child an intrinsic desire for them to do well.
You might say, «Today we’re going to weed the garden! It’s a big project, and I really need your help.»
Teach your children what weeds are, or compete to see who picks up the most toys, trash, or leaves from the garden. Give them each a container and make it a race. The goal is to create an atmosphere of teamwork about how much we actually accomplish.
You may notice I haven’t mentioned a reward chart, spending money, or a paycheck.
This is because I’ve never seen much success with these strategies with my children.
Either the investment wears off, we forget about the chart, or it simply doesn’t motivate them in the long run. I’ve noticed that when we focus on teamwork or connection, children intrinsically want to help, and this is half the battle.
The evidence backs this up. Rewards and payments don’t increase intrinsic motivation in young children over the long term, but they can motivate them in the short term. As I always say, if it works for you to get things moving at home, that’s totally fine.
Development is a long process. There are days when our children (like us) don’t have the ability to get to where we’d like them to be if they cooperate. It’s important to constantly remind ourselves that «Rome wasn’t built in a day» and that «human development seems to take even longer.»
Our job is to continue to be the example and trust that this ability is within them. Notice the days they do help and remember to thank them for being part of the team.
P.S.
Next week, I’ll give you my 5 favorite chores that I PROMISE your kids will love—and you will too. (Hint: one of them involves having them clean the baseboards, and you won’t regret it!)
Becoming an Adult: How to Tackle Real-Life Responsibilities in College
The following contribution is from the website of St. John’s University in Queens, New York, USA.
Starting college is an important milestone that marks your official entry into adulthood. You’re no longer just a student; you’re learning to handle real-life responsibilities while enjoying a newfound independence.
It’s an exciting, if sometimes overwhelming, experience. Balancing your social life, health, and studies can be challenging, but don’t worry, you’re not alone in this!
Here’s a guide to thriving on campus while becoming an adult, balancing your health, relationships, and academic success.
Adulting 101: 5 Essential Life Skills to Expl
