Why Leaders Feel Lonely at the Top
The following contribution is from Vistage, the world’s largest CEO coaching and peer-to-peer advisory organization for small and mid-sized business leaders. We offer the most effective approach to achieving better results, growing your business faster, and maximizing your impact as a leader. This article was written by their team.
It’s such a common feeling among successful people that it’s become a saying: «At the top, you feel lonely.»
This saying is true for many executives, and research shows that these executives aren’t the only ones who feel this way.
A survey by RHR International found that half of CEOs experience feelings of loneliness in their careers, and 61 percent of them believe that this feeling hinders their performance.
Half of CEOs experience feelings of loneliness in their careers, and of this group, 61 percent believe that it hinders their performance.
Furthermore, a 2018 study published in the Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies
concluded that senior managers feel lonelier in and out of work due to the demands of their roles. This is especially true for executives like CEOs, who have no real peers at work.
Thankfully, no one has to be a lonely CEO. There are multiple ways that successful people can build relationships and friendships with others in similar positions.
So, with that in mind, let’s look at why leadership is lonely and what you can do about it.
– Why does it feel lonely at the top?
– How can you address loneliness at the top?
Key Takeaways: How to Feel Less Lonely at the Top
Why does it feel lonely at the top?
At first glance, becoming a top executive or CEO would seem to be a dream come true.
Power, prestige, and wealth are attributes that people strive for, so how could there be significant downsides?
However, several factors can make one feel lonely at the top, to the point where a CEO may wonder if all the benefits are worth it.
Below are the different elements that can make leadership so lonely.
Reasons Why Leaders Feel Lonely at the Top
- Hierarchy and Power Dynamics
When you’re a regular employee, it’s natural and normal to spend time with other employees. In fact, three-quarters of people (76 percent) say they have a close friend at work.
It makes sense because it’s where most of us spend our time, and we’re often around other people for extended periods.
However, as a CEO, that power dynamic changes substantially. Now, you can’t just «hang out» with other workers because you’re in charge. Everyone acts differently around their boss, even subconsciously.
Also, as an authority figure, you have a responsibility to take into account the actions of others. For example, if a subordinate makes a rude comment or does something wrong, you can’t just look the other way.
Hierarchy and power dynamics are some of the main factors that contribute to CEOs feeling lonely at the top.
- Fear of vulnerability
Because becoming an executive comes with so many perks and benefits, everyone is looking for ways to rise to the top.
There is therefore a lot of competition for your position, which means there is always a target on your back.
To make matters worse, your actions are highly visible to everyone within the company
If an entry-level worker makes a mistake, they can likely correct it and forget about it. However, if you make a mistake as a CEO, it could cost you money and potentially force you to lose your job.
Executives may also feel like they need to project confidence and strength at all times
Which can make it difficult for them to express vulnerability.
The fear of feeling weak or insecure can make it difficult for leaders to share their concerns and challenges with those around them, contributing to feelings of loneliness.
- Burden of decision-making
A big part of being a CEO or senior executive is having strong decision-making skills.
However, your decisions can impact everyone in the company, creating additional stress on your every action.
This stress can affect your ability to connect with others, particularly when you’re dealing with underperforming workers or managers.
Overall, the weight of these important decisions can be isolating, as there may be few people within your organization who can share the load.
- Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is the feeling that you don’t belong in your current position, no matter how hard you’ve worked to get there.
This condition affects almost every profession, including college students, teachers, doctors, lawyers, and more.
While you should have all the confidence to do your job, you may end up second-guessing yourself at every turn.
This syndrome is another reason why leadership is lonely
Some people can’t get too attached to others or open up to them, for fear of being found out to be an “imposter.”
It can be much harder to be yourself in a leadership position, so you feel isolated and cut off from the rest of the company.
There’s always that nagging fear that if you let your guard down, it could mean the end of your career.
- Personal Sacrifices
One of the most critical struggles you can face on the road to success is where to focus your time and attention. People often have to choose between relationships (i.e. family) or their careers.
Along the way, you’ve likely had to sacrifice personal friendships or intimate relationships in favor of advancing your professional self.
So, while you may have “made it” to the top, it’s natural to think about what you might have missed along the way. Plus, if you’ve had to sacrifice these relationships before, what’s to stop you from doing it again?
The pressure to succeed doesn’t go away once you become a CEO or executive. Instead, it may even increase now that your actions and decisions can impact an entire company.
How can you address loneliness at the top?
Fortunately, you don’t have to be a lonely CEO forever.
If you’re proactive about leadership development and incorporate relationship-building strategies, you can make friends and form bonds inside and outside of your career.
Here are our top methods for feeling less lonely at the top.
Tips for Feeling Less Alone at the Top
- Executive Coaching
Working with an executive coach can help you learn ways to make friends and build positive relationships in your life.
Because a coach has been through similar circumstances, they can offer insightful advice you couldn’t get anywhere else. Sometimes, your coach may have been a lonely CEO at one point and learned to overcome it.
By working with an executive coach, leaders will strive to grow while giving themselves the gift of mentorship.
Executive coaches listen to problems and provide real feedback, something many executives can’t get at work.
Of course, an executive coach can’t be a coworker or share the load of responsibilities, but they can be a great guide.
They’ve been there. All executive coaches have made their share of tough decisions, probably experienced loneliness, and come out the other side to tell about it.
- Mastermind Groups
Some of the greatest minds in history rarely felt alone at the top; Instead, they rose to the top and climbed higher.
Why? Because they sought out worthy peers who would challenge them and hold them accountable.
This is called a mastermind group
Napoleon Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich,” wrote that mastermind groups enable executives to accomplish more in a year than a lifetime working alone.
Peers are key to the success of these groups
When executives talk openly about their goals, problems, and loneliness in a mastermind group, they can see that others have similar issues.
Better yet, these others are willing to listen, provide advice, and hold executives accountable to their goals.
It’s hard to feel alone amid a group of ambitious people pushing each other toward greatness.
- Peer Advisory Groups
One of the main benefits of peer advisory groups is bringing together the best parts of executive coaching and mastermind groups.
An executive who attends a Vistage group will quickly get to know the executive coach who leads the group.
The coach will give feedback, listen to issues, and push executives to be the best versions of themselves.
These coaches will also help expand the group’s horizons by bringing in outside experts.
Meanwhile, the other members of the group, each from different industries, will talk about their successes and struggles, including loneliness.
This allows other executives to see that other executives, even in far-off industries, are experiencing their same fears, hopes, and dreams.
Taken together, Vistage groups foster a powerful experience. They allow executives to see that they are not so alone—there are others on the same path.
- Mindset Training
Stanford University professor Carol Dweck has spent her career researching growth versus fixed mindsets.
People with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are at their limit; those with a growth mindset believe they can always learn more.
When executives shift their mindset from fixed to growth, the world opens up to them
A growth mindset allows executives to learn from everyone and everywhere. As Dweck writes, those with a growth mindset move away from “a framework of judging and being judged to a framework of learning and helping others learn.”
“Their commitment is to growth, and growth takes a lot of time, effort, and mutual support,” Dweck writes. And that support, which an executive will both give and receive, makes the world a less lonely place.
Having a growth mindset is one of the most valuable leadership qualities you can possess. Best of all, you can apply this mindset to every aspect of your life, both personal and professional.
When it comes to loneliness, a growth mindset helps you shift your focus to be more positive.
Instead of asking yourself, “Why does it feel lonely at the top?” you can begin to come up with strategies to combat or overcome that loneliness.
For example, you can seek out peer counseling groups or participate in structured activities outside of work. When no one knows who you are or what you do, it’s much easier to be yourself and shrug off the challenges of your role.
- A Great Executive Leadership Team
One of the biggest reasons leadership is lonely is that you often make decisions on your own. So, one way to alleviate that problem is to create an executive leadership team (ELT). An ELT is a valuable resource to combat loneliness and help strengthen the company and take it to new levels of success.
At its core, an ELT is made up of the company’s top leaders and managers
Since everyone is on a level playing field, there are fewer imbalances in power dynamics and it’s easier for everyone to share ideas and collaborate openly.
Plus, by having strategic conversations about the business, it’s easier to get out of your own head and start expressing yourself more openly. Once you can start doing that, you’ll feel less alone at the top.
- A Common Vision
It’s hard to feel alone when your team shares your vision. And a shared vision is exactly what will bring employees closer to executives, according to a survey cited in Harvard Business Review.
The survey found that 72 percent of employees and 88 percent of those in senior positions want a leader who looks to the future. With a more willing group of employees and executives, we’re willing to bet that the top is less lonely.
- Hobbies and Activities
Executives who seek excellence at work may also find value in seeking excellence outside of work.
A good hobby or group activity allows for some play time, which helps reduce stress and increase connection with others.
For example, a paper published in the Journal of Psychology of Science and Technology
finds that Nobel Prize-winning scientists are 2.85 times more likely than non-winners to have an artistic hobby, such as acting, dancing, taking photographs, or even glassblowing.
In the business world, one example is Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon, who is also a DJ under the pseudonym DJ D-Sol.
While DJing may not be something for every executive, an outside hobby is a great way to have fun, master a new craft, and feel connected.
- Invest in team building
Part of your job as CEO is to make sure everyone works well together within a team environment. While managers and supervisors take care of day-to-day operations, you also need to step in and check on the health and status of each team.
Sometimes, you may uncover conflicts and other internal issues that threaten the success of the entire team. In those cases, you need to step in and provide valuable leadership.
This process can help you feel less alone because you are actively involved in the day-to-day running of the company.
Additionally, as you practice your active listening skills, you can become a better and more appreciated leader. Again, this step is not an invitation to befriend specific employees, but it helps you express yourself and become more sociable at work.
- Celebrate successes together
Everyone likes to be celebrated and appreciated, no matter how small their wins or accomplishments are. As an executive leader, you should pay attention to the small successes that add up to continued growth and prosperity for the company.
While you don’t have to recognize every task, you can take the time to celebrate benchmarks and goals.
For example, you can praise specific individuals or teams for meeting their goals ahead of schedule or under budget.
You can also celebrate individual accomplishments, such as extended workloads or extra hours worked to achieve a project goal.
Even something as simple as birthday recognition can have a positive impact on the company. Plus, when you’re proactive about celebrating others’ successes, they’re willing to do the same for you, helping you feel less alone.
- Seek feedback
Finally, being a leader doesn’t mean you know everything. In fact, one of the best leadership qualities you can have is admitting that you don’t know everything and that you need the advice and input of others.
Therefore, asking for feedback can help you see how you’re performing as a leader and where you can improve.
This process also helps open the lines of communication, so that workers and other executives feel more comfortable reaching out. There may be a tendency to avoid the boss unless necessary, but when you ask for feedback regularly, everyone is more likely to come to you for advice and opinions. Open communication generally reduces isolation and loneliness.
Key Takeaways: How to Feel Less Lonely at the Top
Leadership is lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. Becoming a Vistage member allows you to expand your community and communicate with other executives in similar positions.
Often, taking the first step can lead to a less lonely existence and help you discover new ways of seeing the world.
Leadership doesn’t exist in a vacuum either, and there are plenty of tools and opportunities to help you feel less alone
Whether it’s listening to podcasts for executive coaches or participating in a Vistage group, loneliness doesn’t have to consume your life.
If you want to be part of a community of executives, find a Vistage peer advisory group near you.
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The following contribution is from the Pe
